Everyone Needs a Pet
by MuggleBuddy
Summary: While working in a pet store I get some unusual customers. PG for some parrot violence in Chpaters 2,3,4,7,10 and 12 and one naughty word in 13! Finally done!
1. The Boring Chapter

Hello there, I hope you like this story. I know it's stupid, but please, no flames.

Disclaimer...I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters.

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Chapter 1

I wipe off the nose and fingerprints from the glass in front of the puppy kennels. Those dumb three year olds just have to squish right up to look at those stupid little dogs. It just makes more work for me. As I finish wiping the last one I hear the little entrance bell jingle. I walk back over to the counter to find Yami Yugi standing there looking around.

"Hello," he says, "I'm looking for a pet."

"What kind of pet," I ask him.

"Any kind," he replies, "do you have any that know how to play Duel Monsters?"

I give him a questioning look. "No," I say, "Maybe you should let Yugi choose, but I think you should have some say in it. Are you sure that you are ready for a pet? I mean you do travel a lot."

"Yes," he says, "we are ready to own a pet, but I think I will let Yugi choose." At that Yugi shrunk about two feet so that I could barely see the tips of his hair about the counter top.

"Would you like to come around back Yugi, so you could see our whole selection of pets," I ask Yugi. I hear what sounds like a yes so I open the gate to show him to the back room. "So, what kind of pet are you looking for Yugi," I ask.

"Something small, and easy to clean up after," he says.

"What about a fish?" I ask.

"No," he says, "nothing with too much water, Yami doesn't like to talk about it, but ever since that anchor ordeal with Marik at the Battle City tournament he has had a severe case of hydrophobia."

"Go figure," I say, "So then you are definitely, looking for a land creature. You know, I could suggest you to a couple good psychologists to take care of that problem."

"No, I don't think so," he replies, "You know how ancient pharaohs are."

"Actually," I say, "no I don't." Yugi gives me a look of curiosity.

"Anyways," he says, "always wanting to do stuff his own way is what I mean."

"Ah, here we are," I tell him, "how about a small rodent?"

"Look good to me," he says looking at all the mice and gerbils. "Oh my gosh," he shouts, "I've found my perfect pet."

"What," I ask.

"A hedge hog," he cries with triumph. So I pick up one of the hedgehogs and take it back out to the front counter.

"Well, lets see," I say totaling up the cost, "fifteen dollars for the hedgehog."

"We're naming him Mr. Prickles," says Yugi.

"Right," I say turning back to the register, "fifteen dollars for 'Mr. Prickles', ten dollars for the cage, five dollars for the food, so your total is thirty dollars."

"Alright," says Yugi fishing the money out of his pocket. I hand him his receipt and he walks out the door. As he leaves I see him start to skip down the street.

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So, how'd you like it? plz REVIEW 


	2. Animal Abuse is not a Good Idea

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Ok, here's chapter two. I hope this one will be funnier than the last one. Thanks to Dragonfire for the suggestions. Personally I would love to write this in dialogue, but I can't because it's not allowed on the site. Hopefully this chapter will be more random.

Disclaimer...I don't own anything but the plot and myself. (I don't even own the pet store)

This chapter is based on one of Monty Pythons old skits that was actually first used as a lead-in to the infamous "Lumberjack Song".

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Right then...Chapter Two

I watched Yugi skip down the street out one of the back windows (I was quite horror struck as you might imagine). I heard the sound of that evil bell that told me another horrible costumer was inside the shop. I went out to the front desk only to find one angry Seto Kaiba waiting for me.

"I want a refund," he demanded. He held up a parrot. The parrot was obviously dead, but shop policy states 'no returns or refunds' so I had to think quickly.

"Why would you want a refund for this wonderful bird," I asked sweetly.

"It's dead," he replied, "I got it for Mokuba for his birthday; the clerk said it was sleeping, but it's been two days and it still hasn't woken up."

"Well," I said to him, "it's obviously still asleep."

"It's not breathing," says Kaiba, "so it must be dead."

"Then it must be in hibernation," I tell him. 'Really,' I think to myself, 'and they call this guy a genius; it took him two days to figure out the bird wasn't breathing.'

"Maybe I can wake it up," he says. He immediately begins to bang the head of the parrot against the counter ferociously. He screams, "Hello, Hello Polly are you in there? Wake up Polly!"

"Stop," I scream, "that's animal abuse you know. And look the parrot is awake."

"Is it really," he asks. Almost all at once the bird pounces on his face and begins to gouge out his eyes. He begins to run around the room screaming like a pansy girl. Mokuba comes in from the limo that has been waiting outside the whole time.

"Big brother," he says, "what's wrong?"

"mmmphg," says Kaiba. (This I can loosely translate into "nothing".)

"Oh," says Mokuba. He walks back out the door and gets back in the limo. While this has been going on I have moved into the back room to get some water. The screams end and I walk back out to the front desk.

"Will that be all Kaiba," I ask. Kaiba is now lying unconscious on the floor and the parrot has perched itself on the cash register. I pick it up and take it down to Kaiba. "Here is your parrot Kaiba," I say.

"PARROTS!" he screams and runs out the door.

"I need a mop," I say to myself and walk to the back room.

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Was it a little more random? Plz Review!


	3. Saved by the Parrot

Ok, here's chapter 3! I hope you like it.

Disclaimer...I don't own the stuff from Yu-Gi-Oh or a ferret.

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Chapter 3:

Right so where was I...oh, I remember. I got the mop and began wiping up the mess that Kaiba had made with when he bled on my floor. It was a dirty task. Today just wasn't going how I had wanted it. Usually it's just dumb three year olds, but now people from the Yu-Gi-Oh cast. Maybe my boss doesn't pay me enough. Shortly after this revelation someone came through the door. I turned and saw a person standing there in a ski mask. 'Why me,' I thought to my self. "Can I help you," I asked the masked person.

"Yes," replied the man in the mask as he reached into his pocket, "give me all your weasels or I'll hit you with this." At that point he drew a rod, the Millennium Rod to be precise, out of his pocket.

'Nope,' I thought to myself, 'the boss definitely doesn't pay me enough.' "Marik," I say, "first of all, we don't have weasels and second even if we did I wouldn't give them to you just because you would hit me with you little stick."

"Darn," Marik says, "how'd you know it was me?"

"Let's think about it for a second Marik," I say pointing to the rod.

"Oh, I knew I should have brought the softball bat instead," he says looking disappointed. Seeing his disappointment I begin to feel sorry for the cretin. Then I remember who he is and stop immediately.

"Well," I say, "now that I've revealed who you are, what are you going to do to me even though you can't get weasels. By the way, why did you want weasels in the first place?"

"They are my and Odion's favorite snack," he replies curtly, "If you don't have any weasels, then give me all your ferrets."

"Why would I give them to you," I ask, "You can buy them."

"Oh, I think you'll change your mind about that when you see this," he pulls a fish out of his other pocket, "now give me the ferrets or I'll slap you with this herring!" Faced with this dire situation I was going to have to give him the ferrets. Then an idea came the mind as I looked at the parrot that had fallen asleep on the register.

"I'm so sorry," I said, "we're out of ferrets, but could I interest you in this parrot?" To my relief he took the bait.

"That parrot is dead," said Marik, "Odion and I like fresh meat."

"It's not dead," I said, "I'll prove it, all you have to do is bang it's head against the counter."

"Isn't that animal abuse," asks Marik.

"Not to him, and I won't say anything," I answer.

"Alright," Marik replies, "I'll try it." So with out a moment's hesitation Marik pick up the sleeping bird and begins to bang it's head against the counter. Just as with Kaiba the bird jumped on his face and began to gouge out his eyes. When I thought Marik had had enough I snapped my fingers and the crazed bird stopped. Curious, I snapped my fingers again and the bird resumed maiming Marik.

'This will come in hand later,' I thought. I called off the bird and Marik got up. "Now," I said, "would like this parrot?"

"PARROTS!" yelled Marik and ran out the door.

'That sounded familiar,' I thought to myself. I went to find my mop.

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Sorry for beating up Marik all you Marik fans! I just don't especially like him, so there! Plz review!


	4. Rabid Hamsters Are Your Friends

Warning: If you are a huge Tea fan do not read this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Yu-Gi-Oh characters.

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Chapter 4

I walk back into the back room to look for that mop. I have a very bad short-term memory, so I can't remember where I set it down. Once again I hear that accursed bell signaling a new arrival into the shop. I peer around the corner and find (to my horror) Tea standing in front of the counter looking around. I try to sneak to the back room, but I find the mop, on the floor. I trip over the mop making a large crash as I run into a large shelving unit.

"Is anybody here," I hear Tea call, "I looking for a new friend." At that moment a very evil and cruel plan pops into my head. I run to the backroom as fast as I can and find the cage labeled "Rabid German Hamster (A/N no offense to Germans) Do Not Touch or Sell!" I rip off that little warning.

"Yes," I shout, "come on back Tea."

As she comes into the back room she begins to look around when she sees me. "How did you know it was me?" she asks.

"Well," I say, "you're famous, everybody knows what you sound like. I think I have just the pet your looking for." As I say this I smile as sweetly as possible. I point to the rabid hamster cage.

"He's so cute," she squeals, "can I hold him?"

"Yes," I reply, "why don't you take him out of the cage." She does this and begins to hug the hamster. In turn the hamster begins to froth at the mouth and growl loudly. I knew what was going to happen and personally didn't want to be around when it did, so I quietly excused myself from the room saying, "I'll go get a cage for him." As I walked back to the front desk the screams started. I had to use all my self-control to stop myself from laughing manically. In less than twenty seconds Tea was out in the front room running around with the hamster tightly latched on to her forehead. "It looks like you guys are really hitting it off," I tell her, "careful though, hamsters are fickle and could turn on you just like that." I snap my fingers. Realizing what I have just done I watch as the parrot joins the hamster on Tea's face and begins gouging out her eyes. I couldn't hold it any longer, so I let out a maniacal laugh, which could not be heard over Tea's screams. 'Wow,' I thought, 'that parrot is coming in handy.' I then called off my attack parrot so that I could see the damage. It wasn't pretty I'll tell you that! Tea was missing almost all of her hair and she had almost no skin left on her forehead. I walked over to the door with the cage. "I guess you guys have a lot to do together," I say, "and just because I like you Tea, I'll let you have all this for free!" Tea runs screaming out the door.

Finally today is beginning to look up.

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So, how was it? This one was a little short. Once again I apologize to Tea fans. I just really wish she didn't exist so I decided to make her life miserable! I'm taking a poll, who should come into the pet shop next? Plz Review! 


	5. So you wanna be an Alley Cat?

Thanks to everyone who has been giving me inspiring reviews!!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Yu-Gi-Oh characters or Pop's Diner.

By the way, if you think my spellings off in this chapter, I'm just trying to recreate the way Joey talks. (it's called dialect, first used by Mark Twain)

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Chapter 5: 

I stood at the front counter grinning with pride. I had just defeated one of my most hated enemies! Tea's maiming had brightened my day to the point where I was smiling. I actually hoped she would come back so I could do something else evil to her. I heard the bell and looked up hopefully only to find Joey Wheeler standing at the front desk.

"What can I do for you," I asked politely, I have no animosity against Joey; I just think he's an idiot.

"I'm lookin' for a cat," he said.

"Any specific breed," I inquired.

"Do ya have anyting dingy and smelly," he asked.

"Not that I know of," I told him, "but if you want some kind of street cat you may want to check out on the street."

"Already did," he said, "all da ones I found were flattened and stuck to da road." A number of gruesome pictures of Joey poking road-kill cats flashed through my mind. I shuddered slightly.

"You could always buy a cat here then make it dingy and smelly," I suggested.

"Dats a great idea," he shouted, "I'll take one cat please."

"Not to be nosy or anything Joey, but what do you need a dingy smelly cat for," I asked.

"Well, if you promise to keep it secret," he started.

"Oh yes, cross my heart and hope Tea dies," I said.

"You an' me both sister," he said, "Ok, so I'm gonna start my own gang. We're gonna be called 'De Alley Cats' and I need a mascot before I can get anyone to join."

"Wouldn't it make more sense if you got a gang then got a mascot," I asked him.

"Your right," he said, "hey, would you like ta be in my gang?"

"Um...sorry I can't," I told him. I had to make up an excuse fast, so I said; "I um...work the night shift at Pop's Diner so I don't think I could make it to any of the meetings or things."

"Dat's ok," he said, "We could schedule our meetins' so you could come."

"No, I don't want to be a burden," I said, "So why don't you go get a gang together and come back and get your mascot."

"Alright," he said, "while I'm gone, please think about my preposition."

"Ok, I will," I told him as he walked out the door.

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That's all for now. Next chapter may contain Yami Bakura and Ryou (and a little parrot violence) As always, plz review. Also please check out my other Yu-Gi-Oh story 'We're going to Disney World'. 


	6. I'll do anything for Josie!

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Hi there faithful readers! Sorry for the extremely long wait, but I had schoolwork. Actually, I still have schoolwork, but that's beside the point. Now on with the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Yu-Gi-Oh characters.

I know I said that this chapter may contain Yami Bakura and Ryou, but I changed my mind.

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Well, after that brief run in with the biggest idiot I've ever met, my day is ruined. I only have an hour left on my shift though so things may start to look up, if nobody else comes into my store. I hear the tolling of that horrible bell once again. 'Darn,' I think to myself, 'well there goes my shot at a quiet last hour.' I look up to see one of my old buddies A. Troll, a sorry, less known writer on fanfic.

"Hey there, Kel- I mean Mugglebuddy," he says, "how's your day going?"

"Well," I say, "pretty unusual. I've had like five people from the show Yu-Gi-Oh in here today, and we're not even in Japan."

"Yu-Gi-Oh, is that one of those stupid anime shows you write about," he asks.

"It's not stupid," I shout at him.

"Well, ok, I guess I'm just jealous because you have more reviews than I do," he says quietly.

"Right," I say, "now are you in here to buy something or to just mock my personal preferences?"

"I'd say the second one," he replies.

"Then please leave the store, I have a terrible headache and I need a nap," I say.

"Fine," he says and he stomps out the door. I lie my head down on the counter and try to fall asleep. It works for about 10 minutes until I hear that bell (I really should get rid of that) again.

"Go away Troll," I shout.

"I'm not a troll, just a humble servant of the oceans fury," comes a reply.

'Crud,' I think to myself, for I already know who has just walked through the door. Another Yu-Gi-Oh character by the name of Mako Tsunami. "What do you want Mako," I ask..

"I've come for fish," he answers.

"Couldn't you just catch your own," I ask.

"Usually I would, but I'm not looking for food I'm looking for friendship," he says, "and I only have harpoons so I can't catch a live one by myself."

"Well, let's see what I have in back," I say as I drag myself to the back room. As we enter the "fish room" as it has been so lovingly dubbed, Mako gasps with glee.

"Gasp," he gasps (I know, that doesn't make any sense to me either), "look at all the fish!"

"Yes, wonderful," I say in my always-sarcastic tone, "now pick one that you like and get out of here."

"I'll take this one," he says pointing to a small goldfish. I grab the net that is beside the tank and fish out his selection. "Yay," he shouts with joy, "I've got my own fishy!" I place the fish in a plastic bag filled with water (you know like the fish you get at amusement parks) and we walk back out to the front desk.

"That'll be 10 dollars please," I say.

"All right, anything for Josie," he says fishing (ha, pun) his wallet out of his pocket. I try not to critique the customer's names for their pets, so I take Mako's money and send him on his way. As he walks out the door I lay my head back down on the counter and wish more than ever to never hear that stupid bell again.

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Well, there it is. It's not my most brilliant work, but I hope it keeps you satisfied for the two months it may take me to get down to writing the next chapter. Ok, so I may be updating in a few days, we will see.


	7. Don't be a Shoplifter!

Hey there! Sorry it took me so long to update. I had to work a few kinks out of this chapter before I could actually write it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters.

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As my shift winds to a close, I begin to doze again. It's almost 7:30 pm and I've been up since 6:30 in the morning (what can I say, I'm a very tired person). Then I heard that sound, the sound that if you've been reading this story the whole way through you should already know what it is, so I won't even mention it. About seven seconds after I hear this sound I hear a large mass of screaming girls running down the sidewalk outside. 'Oh great', I think to myself, 'what now?' 

"Hello," comes a voice with a slight British accent. I look up to see Bakura, one of my favorite characters (but I'm not a rabid fangirl!).

"Yes, how may I help you," I ask.

"Well, I'm being pursued by a mob of screaming girls, could I hide out here for a while," he replies.

"Sure," I say, "I don't see why not." At that Bakura begins to walk around the shop. I lay my head back down on the counter. Suddenly I see a bright flash of light. I look up. "What was that," I exclaim.

"Um...probably just a car or something," comes a voice from the other side of one of the aisles.

"Are you OK," I ask, "you sound kind of hoarse."

"Yes," comes so called Bakura's voice, "I'm just a little tired from running." I begin to hear rustling in the aisle. I walk over to investigate. What I find, I am completely shocked by.

"What the heck are you doing," I shout, for I have found him stuffing his pants full of doggy biscuits. A large flash of light fills the store.

"Nothing, why do yo—hey, how'd these get in here," he says looking at the doggy biscuits. "It's not what it looks like I swear," he says.

"Oh really, then what is it," I ask because if there is one thing that really ticks me off it's got to be shoplifting.

"Well, you see," he stammers, "there's this evil spirit, that lives inside this thing I have, and he always makes me do really bad things, and this is just one of those crazy times where he's just trying to get me into trouble."

"Ok," I say, "so let me get this straight, you're saying that some evil spirit made you put dog treats down your pants?"

"That's about the size of it," he says.

"I'll be right back," I say. I walk back to the counter and grab everyone's favorite parrot, and take him back to where Bakura is standing. "Here, hold this," I say and hand him the parrot. As soon as he grabs it I snap my fingers and watch the carnage begin, but because I do like him more than most people I stop the parrot. "You know what, I think I have a better idea," I say. I grab him by the shirt and drag him to the door. I toss him out onto the street. "Hey girls," I yell, "Bakura is right over here!" From all over the city a great cheer arises. I begin to run into the store, but before I do, I turn to Bakura and say, "Better start running." As I walk back through the door, the ground starts to shake, and I hear the loud screams of the rabid fangirls, but even louder I hear Bakura's scream of terror, and I laugh manically as I see the mob run past my door.

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Right, so there it is. Um...not sure if I'll write any more unless you convince me to. I already have the last chapter planned out, so I can stop whenever you want me to. Also, I'm looking for name ideas for "everyone's favorite parrot". 


	8. A New Day

Hi there! Sorry it took me so long to update. I had a severe case of writer's block!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with Yu-Gi-Oh! (Except for a deck of the cards)

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Right, so um…anyway. Itis finally the end of my shift. I close the door and walk home, hoping that tomorrow wouldn't be as eventful as today. 

As I wake up, I realize that I do have work today. Once again I hope that the little store I work at doesn't get to busy with the holiday rush and everything else happening around town.

I unlock the door to the store, and begin the routine of the morning chores. First, I wipe off the counter. After that, I make sure that all of the animals lived through the night (I have to double check to make sure that Spirit (that'sthe new name of the parrot, for those of you who didn't read theAuthor'snote)is still alive) and give them their breakfast. I myself am eating a doughnut from the bakery across the street.

I have about an hour of peace before the bell rings, signaling the arrival of the first customer of the day. Sorry, I mean customers of the day. Duke and Tristen walk up to the counter.

"Uh, hi," says Duke, "I'm look for a pet."

"Wow," says Tristen sarcastically, "that's really specific Duke."

"Shut yer face," yells Duke, "fine then, well…I'm look for a pet that is black and white. Specifically white with black spots."

"You and your obsession with dice," shouts Tristen.

"I'm not obsessed," yells Duke back at him.

"Oh, yeah," says Tristen slyly, "then what's with that earring?"

"Well, um…" Duke starts, "it was a…gift! Yes, it was a gift from my grandma."

"Yeah, right," says Tristen rolling his eyes.

"Excuse me," I interrupt, "we do have some black and white animals you could look at."

"Really," says Duke looking hopeful.

"Yes," I reply. I lead them to the "Dog Room".

"Oh, look at the puppies," shouts Tristen.

"Gee Tristen," says Duke, "I really didn't think you were a puppy person."

"Shut up man," says Tristen.

"I think you'll be interested in these," I say pointing to the kennel housing two Dalmatian puppies.

"Puppies," shouts Tristen.

"Spots," shouts Duke.

"Oh, please," I say quietly to myself. "So then, do you want one," I ask them.

"Yes, please," says Duke. So I pull a leash and hook it to the puppy's leash, and walk it out to the front desk.

"Let's call him Dice," says Duke.

Tristen turns and looks at the puppy, "I don't know," he says, "he looks more like a Jeffery to me."

"Dice"

"Jeffery"

"Dice"

"Jeffery"

I sigh as they walk (after paying, of course)out the door still bickering over the poor pooch's name. Maybe I should have just set Spirit on them as soon as they came in. _Oh well_ I think to myself _not really my problem anyway_.

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Well, there you have it. I know it's not really my best. Right then! I'm taking a vote! Who should come in next Mai or Pegasus? Or both?  
Also, please check out my other Yu-Gi-Oh fic (if you already haven't) it's called Bankrupt. 


	9. Brandy is Dangerous to Your Health!

Hey everybody! I think this is the fastest I've updated since I've started writing this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Yu-Gi-Oh characters, or any alcoholic beverages.

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As the last chapter ended, I was once again left alone dumbfounded by how odd people are. Such things are usually to strange to ponder, but since I had been up maybe a little too late last night, I was too dazed to stop the odd pictures popping into my head. One of these being the picture of me standing in front of last year's Christmas tree wearing my hair tucked up in a coonskin cap. Also added to this ensemble was a pair of wacky glasses, the kind with the nose and moustache attached, giving me the look of a very deranged Groucho Marx. What had possessed me to wear such an outfit has completely left my memory, although I believe it has something to do with chocolate. 

At this point in time, the bell rings again. I look up to see Maximillion Pegasus swagger into the store. He stumbles up to the counter and stares at me.

"I'll have the brandy," he says to me.

"This is a pet store, sir," I say starting to back away from the counter.

"Fine then," he replies, "I'll use my own." At this he reached behind a pile of dog chow and pulled a bottle of the said brandy out of seemingly thin air.

"Excuse me," I say trying to sound authoritative, "but we do not allow alcoholic beverages in this store."

"Well that's a dumb rule," I hear him say to himself. I began to reach for the bottle of brandy. "Touch it," he says pulling the bottle out of my reach, "and I'll send your soul to the shadow realm."

"You don't even have your dumb Eye," I say mockingly, "would you like to loose your real one as well?" Pegasus seemed slightly confused by this remark, but anyone who hadn't been reading the rest of this story as well may have been too. For you faithful readers, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Pegasus keeps looking from me to and then bottle back to me again.

"How are you going to take my real eye," he asks with fear in his voice.

"I'll have my attack parrot," I say as I point to Spirit, "gouge your eyes out."

"Surely you jest," says Pegasus, starting to chuckle, "that bird is dead, and ex-parrot."

"We'll see about that," I say as I snap my fingers. Just as in all the other chapters in which I have mentioned violence, Spirit immediately leapt onto Pegasus's face and began pecking away madly. Pegasus, who I would suppose was in a great deal of pain, began running around the store screaming like a little child. As he began to run out the door, I called Spirit off.

"You're a loony, I say, a loony," was the last thing that Pegasus shouted before running out the door crying.

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Well, there you have it. I may update soon, I may not. It all depends on how fast you review. I'm looking to get up to 50 reviews (for the whole story) with this chapter! Maybe I can have a party or something… 


	10. Other Anime Madness

Hey folks! This chapter includes other Anime characters (much to my character's dismay). They include Kurama from Yu-Yu Hakusho, Ash Katchum (not sure about that spelling) from Pokemon, and Goku from Dragonball Z (and GT for that matter). Also, my friend Dragonpainter makes a guest appearance.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Goku, Kurama, Ash, or any of their affiliated Anime shows.

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I am beginning to wonder if the little pet store I work at will ever return to its normal mediocre business days. The days where I used to just wipe little kid's nose prints off the glass seem so far away. Then I remember that was just yesterday morning I was doing that. I look hopefully to the clock noticing it's been over half an hour since somebody has come into the shop. Maybe live is returning back to normal after all. 

'Fat chance,' I think to my self as the bell rings for the second time today. I look up, to my horror, right into Ash Katchum's face.

"Hey," he says, "Do you sell Pokeballs here?"

"No, and you can't," I start to say, but I am interrupted by the bell again this time to look at Goku coming through door.

"Do you sell dogs," he asks.

"You can't," I try again but am once again interrupted by the bell. 'Oh crap,' I think as Kurama walks in the door.

"I'm looking for demons, have you seen any," he asks politely. He then walks over and begins looking at the fish on display, more like the plants in their tanks really. Suddenly, one of the plants comes to life and eats one of the fish. (For those of you readers who have never seen Yu-Yu Hakusho, Kurama has a special "gift" with plants.)

"You can't be here," I shout.

"Why not," asks Ash, "is this store, like, segregated or something?"

"No," I yell, "This is a Yu-Gi-Oh story! Are you trying to get me into trouble?"

"We're in a story? I thought we were in a pet store," exclaims Goku.

"Oh jeez, oh jeez," I say looking around trying to think of something. Suddenly, the bell rings again. I look up and to my relief see Yami Yugi walking into the store.

"Um…hi," he says pushing his way to the counter, "you know that hedgehog Yugi got?"

"Yes," I say raising an eyebrow.

"Well, it was giving me this funny look, so I challenged it to a shadow game. As it happened, I won so it lost its soul. Yugi is sort of upset."

"Hey," shouts Ash, "no cuts!"

"He can cut, because he is supposed to be in this story, see," I say pointing to the little Yu-Gi-Oh label on the top of the page.

"Wow," says Yami, "I didn't see that last time I was here. Anyway, can you help me with my hedgehog problem?" Before I could answer him, the bell rings again. I gasp as one of my friends walks in.

"Oh my gosh," I exclaim, "Dragon, what are you doing here?

"You're the one who put me in the story," she replies.

"Oh yeah," I say.

"I'll just be leaving then," Dragon says grabbing Yami's arm and starting towards the door.

"What are you doing with Yami," I ask her.

"I'm kidnapping him so I can be a fan girl," she responds.

"Oh, ok," I say. I watch her as she starts to drag Yami down the street

"Ah! No, not another fangirl," yells Yami, struggling against Dragon's grip on his arm.

"I'll take you to Hot Topic- on Kaiba," says Dragon slyly as she whips out the CEO's Master Card, Visa, and American Express.

"YAY! TIGHT LEATHER PANTS, AND BUCKLES," exclaims Yami in glee as the two of them take off running down the street.

"What was that," asks Kurama who is now slowly walking away from the fish tank.

"Oh, nothing," I say getting an idea, "happens all the time. You guys don't have fan girls do you? This is usually one of the first places they look you know." All the guys look at each other then run out the door.

Whew, another crisis solved.

* * *

Well, that's all folks! I should be updating again soon! Please review. 


	11. Keep Your Hands Off My Parrot!

All right! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. Just a note on the last chapter: I would have loved to put in characters from Inuyasha and some of the other anime things you were talking about, but I've never seen (or read, or listened to) anything about them _(**insert audible gasp here**)._ Anyway, here's the next chapter.

* * *

I walk into the back room to get a drink of water. I'm pretty shaken up after my experience with Pegasus. Who wouldn't be? Mom always told me to stay away from boozers and now I know why. I seriously hope things don't get worse than this. 'Here's hopin',' I think to myself as the bell rings. 

"Hey, can a women get some help around here," comes a familiar voice from the front room. I walk out to the front desk to find Mai Valentine stroking Spirit's head. "How much for this bird," she asks

"He's not for sale," I say firmly, "he's my attack parrot."

"Oh, a feisty birdie," she replies, "I love feisty birds!"

"Well, that's very nice, but you can't have him," I say trying to pull Spirit away from her. A struggle ensues.

"I know," says Mai, "I'll duel you for him!"

"You mean with duel with guns," I ask stupidly.

"No idiot, a Duel Monster duel," she replies rolling her eyes.

"Sorry," I say, "but I don't duel. I'm just a spectator."

"Oh fine," Mai says. "Oh my goodness, is that snake escaping," she shouts pointing behind me.

"Crap, not again" I say turning around. "CRAP," I shout realizing I've just fallen for one of the oldest tricks in the book. I turn around to see Mai about to run out the door with Spirit tucked under her arm. "Give me my parrot back," I yell before she can leave.

"You'll have to duel me for him," she replies.

"Fine," I say. Suddenly a duel disk (one of the pointy evil ones, I might add) appears on my arm. Mai, who has been wearing hers the whole time, walks out through the door with me close behind. We position ourselves in the usual position of dueling (you know, standing about 20 feet away from each other in the middle of the street).

"It's time to duel," shouts Mai.

"Oh give me a break," I say as I draw my cards.

Moments later…

"You cheated," shouts Mai, "there is no way you could have drawn all five Exodia pieces your first turn!"

"Hey, it's my story, did you think I'd let you win," I say smirking.

"Well," she says handing me Spirit, "here's your dumb bird back."

"Thank you very much," I respond coldly as I snatch Spirit from her hands.

"You wouldn't happen to know where the nearest Victoria's Secret is, would you," she asks.

"Um…no," I answer flatly.

"Whatever," she says as she turns and walks down the street.

* * *

Well, there you have it. I know it's a little short, but I still taking Midterms at my school (we're a little behind). I'm already planning the next chapter (Joey returns!). I'm sorry to those of you who would have liked something violent to happen to Mai, but well…actually I don't know why something didn't happen to her. Geez, I must be losing my touch. 


	12. I'm Not a Loser!

Hello readers! First I would like to apologize for making you wait so long for this chapter! I got busy with school, and then I started about 2 other stories. I almost forgot about this poor fic. I would like to extend my deepest thanks to Dragonpainter for giving me the inspiration to write this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh…if I did the show would be a lot funnier, but make a lot less sense…

* * *

I watch as Mai disappears around the corner. Sighing, I return to my place of employment. Stepping behind the counter I replace Spirit on his perch and begin to organize some of the pet supplies sitting in front of me. 

The bell on the door rings once again alerting me to the fact that someone has entered the store. I continue to arrange some fish food in front of myself, hoping that maybe, just maybe, if I pretend I'm not here, the customer would just go away.

"Excuse me," says a quiet, shy voice. I look up into the face of Serenity Wheeler. "Could you help me," she asks.

"Depends on what you need," I say hoping it doesn't involve sharks and rabid iguanas like the last time somebody asked me to do something for them.

"I think somebody is following me," Serenity replies. I move so I can look behind her and out the front window of the store. I see nothing of importance for a moment, and then the figure of Joey Wheeler catches my attention. He seems to be staring right at his little sister. I blink and look back, but he's gone.

_That's odd_, I think to myself. "I don't see anybody," is all that I say to Serenity. Then something else catches my attention. There's Joey again, but this time he is peering over one of the aisles in the shop. Slowly, it dawns on me what is going on. I turn back to Serenity. "Do you have any siblings," I ask her innocently.

"Yes," she replies with a sparkle coming into her eye, "my big brother Joey Wheeler!"

"Hm," I say with a puzzled look coming over my face, "that name sounds familiar."

"He was in the Duelist Kingdom Tournament," she says.

"Oh, that's right, he's that loser that came in second right," I say hoping that Joey is still in the shop.

"Hey," comes a shout from aisle seven. Joey comes storming out from his hiding place. "I'm not a loser," he shouts as he approaches the counter. Serenity stares at him in disbelief.

"Brother," she says, "I thought you weren't going to follow me around anymore. I'm perfectly safe walking around town myself."

"Sorry, sis," says Joey with a sheepish look on his face, "I was just trying to make sure you were safe."

"As for you," he says turning to me, "like I said before, I'm not a loser. I also don't want you in my gang anymore! In fact, I think I'll teach you a lesson you won't forget!" With that he approaches me with a maniacal look on his face.

"Go lick your butt in the front window with the rest of your kind mutt," I say having a Kaiba moment. Usually, I would not have been this mean (or Kaiba like), but after everything that I've been put through lately, I was in a very bad mood. Joey launched himself at me and as he did, I snapped my fingers.

I only let Spirit to his job for about ten seconds because I didn't want to scare Serenity, so I snapped my fingers again.

"You're freakin' crazy," shouts Joey. He grabs Serenity's hand and runs out the door. I stroke Spirits head as I laugh to myself.

"Joey doesn't know the half of it," I say to Spirit.

* * *

Well, there you go, the end of chapter 12! Wahoo! Not my best work, I know. I was thinking of doing a chapter with the Orichalcos (is that spelled right?) guys. Perhaps they will be looking for a seal… 

Review!


	13. The End

So yeah…it's been what, a couple years since I updated this fic I think? Well, it's 5:30 in the morning and I can't sleep, so here comes some closure! WOO!

* * *

I sigh for what seems like the millionth time in this fic. The realization has finally hit me that I hate animals and I don't want to come to work any more. I think about my poor Nintendo Wii sitting at home waiting for me to play it. But what can I do? I need the job. Spirit squawks softly on his perch nearby, and I wonder what kind of thoughts go running through his head every time I snap my fingers. My eyes begin to droop as I grow weary of writing in the present tense. 

Suddenly, a smell strikes my nose that causes me to stand straight up. Smoke. My head whips around as I search for the source of the scent. Nothing in the shop catches my eye immediately, so I dash outside.

As I fly out the door I almost trip over Bandit Keith who is crouched near the entrance with a pile of cotton balls and a couple pieces of flint. He is muttering to himself.

"Er…can I help you sir?" I ask innocently while trying to inconspicuously kick the pile of cotton balls.

"Fire!" he shouts before quickly regaining his composure and smiling up at me. "No," he replies simply. I glare at him as he returns to attempting to light up the little white puffballs. Glancing up and down the street, I notice that nobody else seems to be around, which is good news for me. I grab Keith by the collar and shove him up against a wall.

"What're you doin' this for," he screeches, "you weren't this mean to any of the other characters!"

I stop to think for a moment, why was I holding him against a wall, and the better question, how? Not loosening my grip, I begin to take a quick tour of my psyche as to what exactly I am doing. It was then I discovered I'm simply doing it for plot's sake.

"It's a plot device," I explain, "just like that quick slip into past tense in the previous paragraph." Keith grunts in acknowledgement. "Anyway, the reason I brought you up here is to question you about your motives for attempting to burn down my place of employment. And before you ask, my more eloquent speech pattern is also a plot device!"

"Pegasus hired me to do it," he stutters, "said he wasn't happy with the way your bar does business."

I groan. "For the last time, this isn't a bar!"

"Oh. So then, will you let me down now?" I let go of his collar allowing him to slump to the ground. I lean against the wall for a moment, contemplating what just happened. Nope, still doesn't make any sense. A strange rushing noise begins to fill my head. For a second I think I'm going crazy, but then I realize you can't go where you already are and begin to look for where the noise is coming from. A shadow passes over my head and a helicopter with the Kaiba Corp. insignia lands softly in the middle of the road. Kaiba jumps out and rushes over to me.

"You gotta come with me right now!" he orders over the whirring of the helicopters blades. I look from him, to the store, to the helicopter, and back to him.

"I'm working."

"But we need you now!"

"Who's we?" I inquire looking around again, this time for the reason he used the first person plural.

"Everyone! Listen, there's some weird-ass tournament going down, and we have reason to believe that every Mary Sue in the Yu-Gi-Oh! ™ fandom will be there! It is therefore imperative to our survival that you go and win the tournament for us. That way, none of us will have to be there to meet all of our long lost sisters and secret future lovers."

"Fine." I ran with him back to the helicopter and we took off for some remote island in the Whatever Ocean.

_Insert random crazy story about the protagonist kicking some Mary Sue booty, and returning...in the past tense!_

"Whew," I gasped as we sped back to the pet shop, "that was some afternoon, I had no idea there were so many Mary Sues."

"I know!" replied Kaiba, "thank goodness only half of them actually new how to play." Something fell over next to Kaiba, we both glared at the spot where it ended up. "Show yourself," Kaiba yelled. Immediately a girl with long pink hair and a cat tail appeared and latched herself onto Kaiba. I quickly grabbed her and pushed her away from him.

"Kaiba-kun," she whined, "why don't you want to date me?"

"You're a freak!" Kaiba hurled back. The girl burst into tears and ran off. Sadly, because we were still in the helicopter she ran straight into the pilot, knocking him unconscious. The helicopter spun rapidly out of control.

"We're going to have to jump," I yelled. Kaiba nodded in agreement. As the helicopter continued its descent we leapt out of the passenger hold and rolled onto the ground. A loud explosion followed soon afterwards. I turned to see my poor little pet shop engulfed in flames. "Oh great," I moaned watching the flames lick higher into the sky.

"Well," said Kaiba, "you could always work for Kaiba Corp."

"Eh…I dunno."

And all the while, as we stood there watching the flames, Bandit Keith danced up and down at what he thought was his greatest accomplishment.

* * *

So yes, the epic story finally comes to a close. I know, it's sad for me too. I did not edit this, I didn't even really know what I was doing, but that's how it ends. Seriously. To anyone who actually reads this, thank you, it's been a great ride. This story was what got me writing in the first place. I'm a lot better now than I was when I started (although this chapter really doesn't show that). 

Oh and don't worry, all of the animals are OK, I used magic to get them out of the store before it exploded.


End file.
